The surprising link between intimacy, money and our relationships

Money & Relationships are two universal themes that never seem to retire from public interest. And we all know that when we experience issues in either of these areas, it causes a great deal of stress and dis-ease and it tends to take center stage in our lives. Well, I’ve discovered a surprising link that just may free you from struggle if either of these areas are a source of concern for you.  This one is so juicy so I hope you will read along and check it out for yourself.

I am about to make a bold claim that may stir you a bit. Read it and let it sink in and through you:

Money is the mirror for your relationship to yourself.

And

How you are with money is how you are with your energy and your relationships.

Money & Relationships are intimately related like lovers never wanting to part. This shocking realization was like a truth serum for me that allowed for a more honest witnessing of my relationship with money and with myself that completely changed my approach to relationships and to financial flow. 

Truth, although at times can be really uncomfortable to acknowledge, when faced we find freedom and right beside freedom lies our choice to make the changes necessary to move us forward towards what we truly desire.

 Let me explain more about how I made this link between my relationship to money and my relationships. Money revealed to me one day when I was journaling that “I am not outside of you. I am you!” Money is not an outside entity that we are trying to coerce to like and choose us. It is energy just like us and what we reflect we attract.

I realized that the reflection that money offers is usually what we don’t want to see, what we deny, hide and push away. So, our money mirror will likely reveal what we experience in our outer relationships on a thematic basis. So if you tend to attract relationships with people that need a lot but don’t give a lot, then your money mirror will reveal a lot of hustle for minimal returns. Or if you feel that your relationships reflect people that don’t truly really understand or “get you” then the money mirror will show money only coming when you dilute, adapt or hide yourself in how you make your living.

All relationships in our lives mirror aspects of ourselves too. This is what relationships gift us.. a broader perspective and understanding of who we truly are so that we can continually evolve our sense of self and keep it expanding rather than staying fixed within our own mental constructs. You are another me and I am another you, in essence. 

Let me share a vulnerable but personal story of my own life because it just may help you make similar connections. If I had to characterize my money story over the years it is one of “avoidance”. When I have it and all is good, I forget about it and don’t pay it much attention. When I don’t feel like I have it then I get angry, demanding, and the attention I give is conflict driven. I want the problem fixed so I can go back to ignoring my money.  In summary, I treated  money as a “necessary evil” not at all like a trusted partner. And so it makes sense that my financial flow has been like a roller coaster ride-peaks and valleys throughout my life just like my attention to it.

When I look at my past relationship, I saw the same dynamics within the partners I have chosen. Partnerships that trained me to get attention through conflict and that fell short from the intimacy that I so desired.  They tended to reflect my avoidance of intimacy with myself. I saw the same parallel with how I would spend my energy. When I had energy I was quite “productive” and often ignored signs of burn out and over working. And when I burnt out I wanted to hurry up and get back to productivity. It was all the same mirror!

So, you may be asking yourself, ok so what do I do with this information?

There inlies the freedom. We get to decide!  For me, I decided to receive the curriculum life was offering me and do something different. 

The only way to change the reflection is to change the person that it is standing before the mirror.

If I want to enhance my relationship to financial flow or my outer relationships (hence shift my reflection) I know that it starts with how I am in relationship to myself. 

And the mirror was showing me exactly what area of relationship building needed some elbow grease. 

In my example, my money & relationship story is offering me the chance to develop intimacy (in to me I see) with  how I feel, what I desire and need, and to keep attuned as I go about my day. It was screaming-pay attention to you! I needed to tune in with more honesty so that my yes’s could form from a place of true choice and my no’s were held in proper boundaries so that I felt cared for.  I have to admit, through my years I am great at doing this for others in my life and not so great at doing it for myself. It has taken practice & commitment as hard as it can be at times. 

What is fascinating is that advice works well for my energy. Slowing down and being more intimate with myself helps me spend my energy more wisely on what has greater value and what has transpired well…more energy!

So what does your money mirror showing you about your inner and outer relationships? Are you willing to peer at the reflection?

If this topic has you thinking then I invite you to join me October 19th at Soulful in Sellwood for my upcoming workshop in which we will dive deeper to uncover what truly is blocking the flow for our financial mojo. The magic bullet isn’t a 5 step method, or one of the million manifestation techniques that you may have heard of- it is radical self honesty. The willingness to open the closet and see what we have been hiding and then to meet ourselves with equal radical self love and kindness while acting from the truer truth. This workshop will be a profound experience to reclaim your power around money and even your relationships. I am seriously over the moon to host it at my favorite new place to hang out! If money fear has you or if you are tired of relationships that feel same same. Don’t miss this opportunity. It will certainly change how you “see” these issues for good!