Relearning how to Be
As. the moon rests in Taurus until Saturday evening, I am reflecting a bit on how much these times have shifted my whole sense of how to be. Aries holds the mantra “I am” and is the warrior ready to fight for what it wants as it connects desire with identity. Taurus takes us to the garden of our sensual pleasures and delights. It is beauty and simplicity in what is natural and organic around us and within us in just our “beingness”. I liken Taurus to working in a garden that grows all that delights us. It is also the experience of allowing ourselves to be delighted by simply being in the garden of our choosing. What happens when these archetypes rendezvous? I am not sure I was an intentional with creating a garden of pleasure in my old routine. I notice without “work” and my daughter’s school dictating my routines, now a more natural routine emerges that is quite different than the old. This has caused waves of anxiety as the old ways are slowly morphing into the new invitation to be. Who will I be on the other side and what will that new self want?
The garden I am experiencing now is much different than the one I spent time in before. I notice that I sleep a lot more when I let myself and my “normal” wake up time is much later than before. I must need more rest than I thought I did. What happens when I just let myself sleep more instead of telling myself I should be up by 7am? I have been cooking way more and experimenting with making my own nut milks, bread and expanding my time in the kitchen. When normally I was throwing together a “decent” meal because my family had to eat, now it is like a creation of art to craft a meal made with such care full of tastes, smells and color. What if I just enjoy this time working with my hands and taking time to connect to the food that I want to nourish my body and keep it healthy? My exercise routines have also shifted. I was normally a boot camper, boxer and runner atleast 4 or so times a week. Now that I have slowed down so has my motivation it seems. I find my mind tells me I need to go run or do a “workout” because I will gain weight or lose muscle and then I ask my body what it wants and it seems to be ok with a walk with my family or some yoga. I find that the more we surrender into what is naturally occurring and available for us the more natural we become in ourselves.
Another aspect of Aries and Taurus I seem to be learning more about is how to listen and trust my body’s instincts. The busyness and chaos of life before seemed to take me away from my natural instincts to sleep more, slow down, and let my body’s callings have a voice and a place. Aries knows survival and the instincts we have to keep us alive and even better yet to thrive. This are found within our body’s intelligence system not our minds. I am trying to use this Aries energy to call upon my own courage to trust my body’s wisdom. I have an easier time accessing it the slower I seem to go right now. I notice the energy of my habits that are fast, motivated from fear and often disconnected from my body. My instinctual urges seem to be more basic, simple and slower moving energies. The funny thing is that the more I listen and embody them, the more at peace I feel with all that is going on perhaps because my body is more nurtured and stable. As we are more embodied in our desires, we can become more aligned with how to put them into action.
I have found this epidmeic has been a portal for healing and rejuvenenating myself and resetting my biorhythms. I notice frequently the angst of not being “productive” in the ways I have defined it. Now that I have no work, I have had to witness that angst that wants me to stay busy and then realize I have been offering a vacation from all that doing and a chance to enjoy more space and time to fill as I please. So how can I fill it with what delights me instead of what I have let define me? I wonder how this will change what engages me and inspires me? I guess Covid-19 is helping me re learn how to just be.
I am relearning how to be…
more in touch with my body’s needs
more relaxed in slowness and stillness
more trusting of my natural impulses
worthy in non-productive ways
how to enjoy the simple pleasures
the gift of choosing how to spend my time
