"If you want to get rid of junkie thoughts in your head try to think of something you like or enjoy doing. Then you only focus on that. Then your brain is like black and empty." When asked what junkie thoughts were she said..."you know like the stuff TV makes you think about. Most of the time I'm not thinking anything unless I watch TV or eat sugary stuff. " -Kennedy (my 6 year old daughter)
Mercury (in Capricorn) makes a strong appearance this week as the planet of our thoughts, communication, and networking squares Lilith ( our most authentic truth in the sign of Libra) and Uranus (our path to liberation in Aries) as well an conjoins with Pluto (our Soul in Capricorn). We get a chance to witness our rigid, suppressive thinking, our pattern of thoughts in the "shoulds" category, or the "been told it works this way" mantras against what we might be dappling with on the liberation channel. Our thoughts although invisible are the make up of our physical reality. It all starts with a thought and the more we think it, the more current it brings with it as it becomes form for us to see and to work with more deeply. We get to witness our power as co-creators of our experience. As aware as I feel I am of my thoughts, I often find mental chatter running in the background of my brain that I am not always aware of in my conscious mind. I liken this to the apps on your phone that are eating your battery that you have no idea are running. When I slow down to witness what is happening in my life by what is showing up in the realm of physical things, emotions, and my mental world, I get the chance to see how much my thoughts are driving my reactions and responses to my experience. How often I color my experience with my reactions like: "That is not supposed to happen", "I should do this even though I don't want to or it doesn't feel good", or "I should have known better", "This is happening because I didn't do something "right"...you know this dialogue..we all have forms of it. Where did this come from?
When we awaken into this life, we learn ways of being in the world through our family, our community, school..our surroundings. We are conditioned by our environment. We are told what is good/bad/right and wrong according to others. We come into this life with a direct line to spirit and a deep well of wisdom. But, we "forget" and we learn what we need to "get along" and be in our community. As we mature, as we awaken more deeply to ourselves and our true nature we start to see where we have picked up these patterns of beliefs, mantras, and thoughts that simply keep us creating relationships, physical situations, and realities that feel more like prison than a vacation to our deepest desires for our life. We feel the deep desire to emancipate ourselves from these realizations of bondage only to further imprison ourselves with more judgement of how we got here and that we are in fact here and not where we feel we "should be". Enter the dead end street on trying to perfect oneself.
In comes Jupiter in Virgo conjoining with the North Node of the moon...leading us towards perfecting, simplifying, taking our time to sort through what is helpful and precious and what is poison and toxic to our system. In comes a direction towards expansion through the integrating (digesting) of our experiences..a deeper reflection on what do I need to truly expand myself and embody in this life something that is deeper than just existing. So, how do we do this sorting? How do we untangle the webs of "junkie" thoughts that keep us in prison to someone else's truth, mantras that feel out of date, and philosophies that only benefit a few? How do we uncover our freedom-producing truth serum? How we stop the judgment that leads to more resistance to what is?
Uranus joins this team liberation by guiding us to experience non-attachment to others reactions to our truth and our inner reactions to how we feel we may be received in our truth. He may throw in some major changes or some unexpected turns when you express your truth or avoid it but this is only to speed up this revolution towards finding your freedom from the chains of others views, desires, suggestions, and ways of being that simply don't fit. It is easy to shy away from claiming our truth when we are fearful of the impact it will have on others.
Enter Lilith in Libra. She introduces us to our most raw, unedited version of ourselves. She is powerful and a force to be reckoned with! She is calling us to a clarity of a co-existence with others where we can all recognize the truth within us that does not squash another's truth or devalue their beauty and contribution. She reminds us that love, the ultimate truth, doesn't meet anything with distinction but meets everything with openness. You don't have to be wrong for me to be right. And if I am right it doesn't make you wrong. I am to be the fair evaluator of what is true for me and not impress it or force it upon you (even if I think you need some help). In respect, I can allow you to find your truth and live it even when I don't agree or see it the same as you do. I can see the beauty in both co-existing..like those Portland bumper stickers "Co-exist" and I will add by not resisting what others are doing. No need to name it, blame it, judge it. Just judge if it is your truth and if not, let it go. If it is then claim it and live it. And if it is indeed truth it will free you and it should support the freedom of all others.
When I distill the basis of why my "junkie" thoughts keep running despite my desire to free myself, I find fear. I find fear based on a belief that I do not matter or that no one will see that I matter. This fear makes me demand that the world show me that I matter by validating me. The problem is that the world can only reflect what I believe so it cannot validate me. The only way to feel that we matter and the only way to surpass the fears that create the foundation for our junkie thoughts to grow and to take root, is the show ourselves that we matter, by loving what arises. We must love ourselves, junkie thoughts and all. By finding that one truth of loving what arises we bind together in our integrated selves and together collectively as spiritual beings having a human experience.
So back to my original quote... think on what allows your to feel free, open, alive. This is what love feels like. What in your life does not feel this way? What in your physical reality feels in conflict with this? Where is there disharmony?
Meet your fears, your desires to control (yourself and others) and the contrast to the deeper desires to be you. When I find myself in disharmony and I ask deeper, I find all kinds of interesting tapes running. When I feel each recording I can decipher the ones that feel disempowering like I have no options and there is nothing I can do to free this situation. This is not the opportunity to judge myself or dislike the fact that I have that tape but to acknowledge that this was a tape that was helpful for me for some reason but now it is time to retire it by asking how can I love the self I find? How do I come to the space of the heart. The heart is held in love. This love accepts all, judges none and finds total compassion for where we stand and flawless clarity as to how to expand itself and stay open.
When someone shows me love and compassion and deep nurturing, I feel amazing. It does not matter what is wrong with my life, this vibration lifts me up and makes me feel better instantly. What if I were to show myself this same love, compassion and nurturing? What if I do for myself what I so badly want others to do for me? What if when I see my junkie thoughts, my limiting beliefs, and my manifestations that are not pleasing and decide to love it anyway as a reflection of a scared, wounded, and innocent child just waiting to be recognized and loved. It is through this vibration that we have the ability to supersede all that separates us from our truth and from supporting one another in our unique journeys. This is Chiron in Pisces. Once expressed these thoughts can retreat, and allow the deeper truth rooted in love to emerge. And with that, we emerge wise, and integrated. It is hard to find harmony through the eyes of disharmony (judgement and resistance).
This emergence of our truth, is the Sun in Sag now, asking us to shine it into all the deep dark places where we hide it due to fears and disempowerment (Pluto in Capricorn). The sun and pluto are squaring this week. Pluto wants us to transform these junkie paradigms of our living and the Sun wants to shine our essence forward. Both are necessary. We need love, we need more togetherness, and we need to support each other for this to take flight. As I show myself kindness, and love what I find, I open myself to be truly in the present and authentic in my human experience. It is through that open heartedness that I can see others as another me. This unity through diversity, this integration of the parts with the whole is the vibration that changes junkie thoughts into thoughts that allow an openness the receive the oneness and value of seeing oneself in our most perfectly imperfect selves. We empty the mind of the clutter and fill up with the unity consciousness. That is the vibration of healing, expansion, and joyful co creation with the universe.
May you find love for yourself in these days..may you share this love with all beings.
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu: May all beings be happy and free and may my words, thoughts and actions contribute to my freedom and the freedom of all others.